Condom Nation [Movie Script Scene/Cosmik Humor]

Condom Nation-     MENSROOM –

WHITMAN AND CARLOS ARE STANDING AND URINATING IN STALLS NEXT TO EACH OTHER. THEY ARE STARING AT THE WALL |BLANKLY, BOTH.

Carlos- Are we on the clock? Cause I didn’t clock out.

Whitman- Absolutely irrelevant at this scale. You do know, time is man’s invention. Sixty arcseconds, sixty seconds, and sixty minutes comprising a reality we have boxed ourselves into. So we can punch clocks and accumulate possessions.

Carlos- Are you telling me that the number of the beast is time?

Whitman- You are observant. Six, six, six. But, no. However it’s long ranging effects could be for you. It is limiting to the spectrum of perception one can have on the wonderful and intricately synchronistic quantum mechanics if you must be basic in the order of the known universe.

Carlos- Wow, man. You just deep spaced my ass.

Whitman- There is the expanding universe. Beyond that constantly exponentially expanding universe making us ever more and more insignificant in single effect in an effort to retain unity is the unmanifested. One can peer, or even step into the unmanifested, or the planes of nonexistence in deep transcendant states and observe life altering course corrections. Like extending your life span for instance by detaching attachment to your status as a reality observer.

Carlos- I’m observing my piss right now. Kinda yellow.

Whitman- Drink plenty of water.

Carlos- That’s what my Mom says. Thought it was just cause I never flush the toilet.

Whitman- When it’s time to flush, you’ll flush.

WHITMAN FLUSHES THE URINAL AND BEGINS TO WASH HIS HANDS IN THE SINK.

Whitman- Just have faith. Everything you need is in natural harmonious existence in the here and now. Take for instance that water you need. It is in abundant supply right here. Just don’t get down on yourself. People fuck up. We are meant to. But the persistence of the illusion of time will scar the imagination if you allow it to.

Carlos- (washing his hands without flushing) I must say this has been the most informative piss I have ever taken. But I have to admit, I don’t completely understand.

Whitman- Nobody does. Never will.

Carlos- No, I think I was just concentrating on my penis.

Whitman- That was the whole point! See, YOU GOT IT!

Carlos- Really?

Whitman- Yeppers!

Carlos- Thanks Whit.

Whitman- Anytime.

Carlos- You’re not kidding, anytime. Until later, brother. My dick has run dry and my mouth too. Got a cigarette I can bum?

Whitman- You amaze me Carlos. Very zen realization. Notice how you managed to think like a dick so naturally?

Carlos- Fine, then. I will roll up some I got. Hedge it, flip it, lick it, stick it, light it, smoke it.

Whitman- VERY zen. Continuous observation of what your penis should do. Say it again?

Carlos- No.

Whitman- For a cigarette?

Carlos- Hedge it, flip it, lick it, stick it, light it, smoke it!

Whitman- Sounds like my sex life in under five seconds!

Carlos- Yo, from what Mary told me, your WHOLE SEX LIFE IS under five seconds!

Whitman- I’m leaving now. Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Carlos- That’s NOT WHAT MARY SAID!

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